As our date begins, please discretely place my donation in an unsealed envelope in the bathroom or somewhere easily visible. If we are in a public setting please use a card or gift bag and set it on the table. I may excuse myself for a moment to freshen up. Nothing quite ruins the magic of a lovely time together like the mentioning of a donation, so as with toasters, washing machines and vibrators, please just set and forget! Oh, I forgot, there is one thing that ruins the magic even more: Please do not attempt to negotiate my rates. It is ok, however, to negotiate the price of the exotic necklace you're lavishing on me from the bazaar on our trip to Fiji!
Safety is the top priority for both of us. Physical safety as well as the safety of privacy. The information you confide with me will be handled with the utmost care. The only time I would ever share it is if you put my own safety in jeopardy. Part of your duty in regards to considering my safety is to respect my privacy in all ways. I want nothing more than to bond and learn about one another, but there's a line when it comes to personal information. Please do not cross the line into prying at questions about my work or personal details that could add up to reveal my identity.
I absolutely adore the romantic process of growing intimate with an eager man putting his best foot forward. Like, so much. It gives me the tingles just thinking about it. But I must emphasize, Mr. Caveman, that part of this courting process is called grooming. You may not groom for your friends, family, coworkers or wife. But mister, you will groom for me! I will arrive to our date freshly showered and looking my best, as you would hope. And I expect the same from you.
I require a 24 hour cancellation notice prior to our scheduled date. Otherwise you will be charged a cancellation fee of 30% of your total donation. Now look, I understand things come up. But I've been disrespected in the past by those who don't consider my time. So my cancelation policy is strict, no exceptions. The only acceptable last-minute cancellation is of the return tickets from Fiji, where you will keep me forever in epicurean splendor as your loyal concubine!
I know it can be hard to be away from me. It's because I break the mold with my heart of gold! (™, ®). But seriously, I don't blame you for wanting to stay in touch with your dreamgirl. That's why you should feel free to contact me whenever necessary via phone (preferably text) or email. However, no texting or calling between the hours of 10pm-8am. My youthful exuberance and pristine beauty both require a full night of restful sleep, each! Oh, and Special Agent? I don't answer blocked callers.
Our time together is precious to me, as I know it is to you. We should both be considerate of one other's time. Part of that is knowing when to admit you goofed. If you're going to be late, please let me know as soon as you do. Even if it's that shameful scoundrel Traffic holding full legal responsibility for the tardiness! I'd much rather know what's going on than be ignored and left to simmer in feelings of loneliness and offhand abandonment. All kidding aside, please just stay in touch as our date approaches.